da esoccer bet：
da stake casino： Ciao!What is an Aston Villa? No matter, with a weekend of running away withÂa crazy bald man behind me, Craig David has been soothing my aching shins, which got me thinking: what’s happened in my last seven days?Stevie spent most of my first week showing me his new slip and slide in his back garden while some little lad called Fabio kept texting me asking if I wanted to go out for a pizza… (Who is he?), but now I’ve been on my own and had some time to think, and here’s what I’ve been up to…
Disclaimer: this is a parody
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CLICK ON ME AS A DRAGON TO FIND OUT
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Monday
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After my idea to start ‘Mario’s Mad School Bus’ got turned down by the council – a big shame, as Jose has been teaching me how to park it for ages – I had to do something to inspire the kids of Liverpool. That is why I took to the Internet to give them my thoughts on getting back into the routine. Unlike Joey Barton, I don’t have to run my tweets through a spell checker, so who better to give advice, right?
I also made time for this little picture below. Why Always Me? Lolz.
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Tuesday
Danny came back in today, looks like my chat with Roy worked out well. Now I will lead the Reds against the glorious Adam Viller (that’s who I’m against this weekend, right?).
Brendan talked to me about my game in training before talking about “the groupâ€. Who is this group? It’s Mario plus 10 others, well that’s what I’ve always thought anyway…
Here I am being awesome…
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Wednesday
While the others trained I had my body double fill in so I could go looking for my old car. That camouflage paint job was a bad idea, it’s taken me bloody ages to spot it, but after a trip to Manchester it seems that James Milner had it all along.
“Hi James, can I have my car back?â€
“Yes Mario, I’ve used your car to go to the shops and buy bread for toast before training, which I go to as I’m a footballer.â€
“Thanks James.†I said in return as he passed me the keys with minimal accuracy. Seems that Twitter account he uses is actually him.
Thursday
After Brendan got suspicious of my body double (he coughed after smoking a ciggy in the ‘Jack Wilshere challenge’) I thought it best to go back into Melwood today. I found Danny weeping while looking at a picture of a guy named Luis. “What is wrong my friend?” I said. “I miss him so, he made me a better pla… person.â€
I sent Sturridge this afterwards… he didn’t reply.
Later on I met a lovely girl called Emma who I was told would be good for my football. After she cut my hair we shared some pasta and trained… Only she didn’t seem too happy afterwards. I knew I shouldn’t have got her number off Wayne Rooney.
Friday
Final game training before we go to somebody’s house in Spain tomorrow night. Should be fun, I love Paella. But Brendan keeps showing me pictures of a big bald man called Philippe. Is this whose house I’m going to? I hope not after searching him on YouTube, I don’t know what he’s expecting from me?
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Oh well, time to rest now, could be a long flight.
Saturday
Traitors. I turned up to catch the bus in my freshly ironed Speedos and we had a game on. “What about the villa?†I cried. To which Jordan Henderson explained what was going on in a weird language I am yet to learn.
To make matters worse, that big Philippe guy spent the evening kicking me, does he not know who I am. Not to worry, day off tomorrow.
Sunday
Finally!ÂA chance to get the Sims 4 installed on my PC. Stevie popped around to play a demo of something called FIFA? But we ended up creating a Liverpool family in which we all took the roles of Raheem’s kids. It was fine for a while until Gerrard asked me to put on some Phil Collins. “I haven’t got that CD.†I said to him. His eyes filled with rage but luckily Joe Allen turned up with a bandaged knee, apparently he’s been out looking for whales. I need to get to those English lessons I’ve booked with Carra…
A good day all in all, but my trainer Emma won’t respond to my texts anymore. I knew Rooney had given me the wrong number again… I should have learned from that time before…
Is the weather always like this?
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